How to Talk Dirty: A Beginner's Guide

Words That Make Them Weak

Picture this: you're in the middle of things, bodies tangled together, and then you lean close and whisper something in their ear. Not a sound—words. Specific, intentional words that hit somewhere deeper than any touch.

Their breath catches. Their body responds in ways that surprise both of you.

That's the power of dirty talk. And most people have no idea how to access it.

Why Words Work

During sex, the brain is primed for stimulation. Every sense is heightened, including hearing. Words spoken at the right moment bypass the rational mind and land directly in the body.

Dirty talk creates a feedback loop. You describe what's happening, what you want, what they make you feel—and that description intensifies the experience for both of you. It takes the internal and makes it external, turns private sensation into shared reality.

It also communicates desire in the most direct way possible. When you tell someone explicitly what you want to do to them, there's no ambiguity. They know they're wanted. That certainty is its own kind of arousal.

The Fear That Stops Most People

If you've never talked dirty, the idea probably makes you want to hide. What if you say something stupid? What if you sound ridiculous? What if they laugh?

These fears are normal, and they're mostly unfounded. In the context of sex, with arousal running high, words that would sound awkward in daylight sound incredibly hot. Your partner isn't evaluating your performance—they're feeling what you're saying.

The key is starting small and building confidence gradually.

Starting Simple

You don't have to launch into elaborate scenarios. Simple is powerful.

Describe what you're experiencing. "You feel so good." "I love how wet you are." "Your hands on me—yes." These are just narrations of reality, but spoken aloud, they transform the experience.

Express desire. "I want you." "I've been thinking about this all day." "I need to taste you." Wanting someone and telling them so is inherently erotic.

Give directions. "Right there." "Don't stop." "Harder." "Slower." These serve double duty—they guide your partner and turn instruction into eroticism.

Ask questions. "Do you like that?" "Tell me what you want." "Does that feel good?" Questions engage your partner verbally and create dialogue.

Building Your Vocabulary

The words you use shape the feel of your dirty talk. Softer words create a different vibe than graphic ones.

On the softer end: want, need, feel, touch, love, beautiful, gorgeous, perfect. "I want to feel you." "You're so beautiful when you come."

In the middle: wet, hard, hot, deep, more, fuck. "You're so wet for me." "I want you deeper." "You feel so fucking good."

On the graphic end: the anatomical terms, the crude words, the explicit descriptions. These can be incredibly hot for some people and off-putting for others. Start softer and escalate based on response.

Pay attention to what your partner responds to. If certain words make them moan louder or grip you harder, use more of those. If something lands flat, adjust.

Building Scenarios

Once you're comfortable with basic dirty talk, you can create mini-scenarios.

Describe what you're about to do. "I'm going to kiss down your body, and when I get between your legs, I'm going to take my time. I want to taste every part of you."

Reference the past. "Remember last week when you came so hard you couldn't speak? I want to do that again."

Hint at the future. "Later, when everyone's gone, I'm going to make you beg."

Create anticipation within the encounter. "I'm not going to let you come until you tell me how badly you want it."

The Art of Commands

Telling someone what to do, in the right context, can be incredibly arousing.

Simple commands: "Touch yourself." "Turn over." "Look at me." "Keep your hands there."

More elaborate: "I want you to tell me exactly when you're about to come." "Don't make a sound—see if you can stay quiet."

These require trust and reading the room. Some people love being directed. Others prefer more give-and-take. Check in if you're unsure.

Finding Your Voice

Dirty talk should sound like you, not like a script someone else wrote.

If you're naturally playful, let your dirty talk have humor. If you're more intense, let it be intense. If you're normally quiet, even a few whispered words will be powerful.

You don't have to transform into someone else. You're just letting a part of yourself that's usually internal become external.

Practice Makes Comfort

If speaking dirty during sex feels too scary, practice elsewhere.

Text your partner something suggestive before you see them. This gives you time to compose, no pressure of real-time response. Gauge their reaction and build from there.

Try saying things during solo time. When you masturbate, describe out loud what you're imagining. This makes the words more familiar before you use them with a partner.

Start with the lights off if that helps. Darkness reduces self-consciousness. You can work up to eye contact.

Reading the Response

Not everyone responds to the same words. Pay attention.

Do they lean into certain phrases? Do they echo back? Do they ask for more? These are green lights.

Do they go quiet? Do they seem confused? Do they not engage? These might mean you've found a boundary or just a non-preference. Check in verbally if you're unsure.

And be ready to receive as well as give. When they talk back, respond. Let it become a conversation, not a monologue.

When It Feels Wrong

Sometimes dirty talk just doesn't land. Maybe it's not your thing. Maybe it's not their thing. Maybe the words that felt good in your head sound awkward out loud.

That's okay. Not every tool is for everyone. If you've tried, given it genuine effort, and it's still not working, let it go. There are plenty of other ways to enhance your sexual connection.

But if you've never tried because you're scared? Push through the initial discomfort. The other side might surprise you.