Introducing Toys to Your Partner

Adding Some Hardware to the Mix

Sex toys aren't competition. They're tools. Just like you might use a pillow for positioning or music for mood, toys are another way to enhance what you're already doing together.

But bringing them into a relationship for the first time can feel like a loaded conversation. Some people worry their partner will feel inadequate. Others aren't sure how to even bring it up. The good news: with a bit of communication, this is usually much easier than people expect.

Why People Get Weird About It

Common concerns:

These concerns are understandable but usually unfounded. Most partners, when approached thoughtfully, are curious and willing. The ones who aren't are usually working from insecurities that have nothing to do with you—and that's worth a conversation of its own.

How to Bring It Up

Choose the right moment: Not during sex, not during a fight, not when either of you is stressed. A relaxed time when you're already feeling connected.

Frame it as addition, not replacement: "I love what we do together. I've been curious about adding something that might be fun for both of us." You're suggesting an expansion, not a fix for something broken.

Start with curiosity, not demands: "Have you ever thought about trying a vibrator together?" "What do you think about toys?" Invite discussion rather than announcing a decision.

Be ready for questions: They might want to know why, what kind, who it's for. Answer honestly. "I've always been curious." "I read that they can make things more intense." "I think it would be hot."

If They're Hesitant

Don't push. Express that you understand, that there's no pressure, and that you wanted to share the idea because you're open with them about what you're curious about.

Ask what specifically concerns them. Sometimes the hesitation is about something specific and addressable. "I worry I won't know how to use it" is different from "I find the whole concept weird."

Give it time. Something that sounds strange on first hearing might become appealing after they've had space to think about it.

Choosing a First Toy Together

When they're on board, shop together. This can actually be fun—browsing options, reading descriptions, imagining how you'd use things.

For first toys, simpler is usually better. A basic vibrator. A cock ring. Something that doesn't require a manual or look intimidating.

If it's specifically for her, consider a clitoral vibrator since most women don't orgasm from penetration alone, and external stimulation is approachable. If it's for him, a cock ring that also vibrates offers sensation for both partners.

Using Toys Together

The first time, don't pressure anyone to love it immediately. There's a learning curve. You're figuring out what works, what doesn't, how to incorporate it into what you already do.

Communicate throughout. "How does that feel?" "Do you want more or less?" "What if we try it like this?"

Take turns controlling the toy. Let them use it on you, you use it on them. Make it something you're exploring together, not something being done to one of you.

Beyond the First Toy

Once you've broken the seal, expansion becomes easier. You can explore different types, different sensations, toys designed for different activities.

Some couples develop a whole collection over time. Others find one or two things they love and stick with that. There's no right approach—just what works for the two of you.

The goal was never the toy itself. The goal was adding another dimension to your sex life. If it accomplishes that, you've succeeded.